Pet Pictures

Growing up, our family had cats, not dogs. As a child, our cats were the frequent subject of photo shoots, dress-up, and cuddling. Our oldest cat, Sam, especially. While he despised most everyone else, I could get away with just about anything with Sam. I once dressed him up, wrapped him in a blanket, and took him for a little walk in one of my doll strollers. Believe it or not, he loved me and would come galloping to my bedroom if I just looked at him and started heading in that direction.

As I grew up, he mellowed out a little towards the rest of my family, and he and I grew a little less dependent on one another. This year he had lots of health problems, and at 16 years old, it wasn’t too surprising. I’ve known this day was coming for some time, and that’s partly why, in college, I didn’t make much of an effort to keep my title as his favorite person. Besides, as my parents graduated to “Empty-Nesters”, I think they needed his affection and silly obstinate yet faithful companionship.

After a long bout of sickness, we had to put Sam down. But before we did, I pestered him for a few last pictures. He was mostly uncooperative (so like Sam), but I managed to sneak up to him for a couple good ones.

Here he is sleeping. I remember when I was younger we weren’t allowed to sleep with our doors open, because the cats would come in and we would play with them. Once in a while I would sneak Sam in and he would sleep with me all night, curling his head up under my chin, purring.

You were a good cat and great friend, precious Sam, aka Devil Cat, aka Sam-meow-el, aka Sammy Claws.

It’s been a difficult year for me this year. Between losing my grandpa, uncertainty during the long wait for the house, work stress, other struggles, and now Sam… I’m ready for a vacation. But it has also been one of the best years ever. Tyler and I have been so blessed. He got his job last July, I got promoted, we bought a house, and we have both grown so much through everything, both as individuals in our relationship with the Lord and in our marriage. I am so, so thankful for him. We are incredibly blessed.

And let’s not forget about our upcoming blessing…

 So sweet! They look like little bear cubs. They are a week and a half old now and still don’t have their eyes open yet. I got to play with our cousins’ grown-up dogs this weekend too and they’re so much fun. I just can’t wait till we get ours! I’m not sure which one we’ll pick yet, but their people said to come back in four weeks when they’re little puff balls that have started to develop their own personalities. Four weeks can’t come soon enough! I’m in love already!

*sigh*

Well, I had better be going. There’s still much to be done before we get our new addition!

Late

Late? Who, me?

You must not know me very well.

Because I always arrive promptly at the time I am expected.

Ok, ok, you got me. I am often expected to be “late.” Not that it runs in my blood or my gender or anything. Because I can think of several family members (*cough* annoying family members) and females (*cough* obnoxious females) who prefer to arrive 17 minutes early to everything. Although the stigma does tend to run towards the late-side for both groups of people.

Just sayin’.

Anyway… my deepest apologies for being late at concluding my December blogging break. I had a very happy hiatus and although part of me wants to continue my break, another part of me has already penned a dozen blog posts in my head.

Well, not actually penned per se.

But here I am… blogging… with nothing substantial written as of yet.

*clearing throat*

So… let me give you a little (ha!) update of my life so that we can move onto more interesting topics in future days:

Christmas was great… we spent lots of time with family. I found myself reflecting a lot on the “Good News” of Christ’s arrival and how significant that had to be for the first to hear this message. We did receive our own good news about the house, although not as much news as we were hoping for: the bank is done with the Broker’s Price Opinion (like an appraisal) and they are working on assigning the short sale a negotiator.

Cue cheesy Priceline jingle.

We were extremely spoiled by our families. Tyler got a bunch of tools and house knick-knacks and I got a new winter coat, some clothes, jewelry, paints/canvases, etc. He got me a giftcard to get a pedicure from a really nice salon/spa around here — so excited to use it! And with our Christmas money (I know, I told you — spoiled!) we bought a steamer so that I will Never, EVER, EVERRR have to iron again.

Not that I was planning on it anyway.

But now we don’t have to go around looking like Shar Pei dogs with opposable thumbs.

Because, really, our thumbs are the only way you could distinguish us from those dogs.

I really make myself out to sound like a horrible housekeeper.

Which I am sometimes.

But sometimes I wonder if people can read the sarcasm and exaggeration in my writing.

If not, it’s not like they would recognize me if they saw me out on the street anyway, because they would be looking for a hairy 6 foot 4 female Shar Pei with opposable thumbs.

I digress…

So… New Year’s was good. We spent some time with our friends who for reasons that can be found later in this post will be referred to only as N and J. I tried some of J’s coffee-beer and it reinforced my belief that God gave me the palate of a 6 year old.

Maybe not even a 6 year old. Maybe more like a 6 month old. Give me milk and cereal, and I am set for life.

Which reminds me (not the coffee-beer, but the spending time with N and J) — I am a horrible compliment receiver!!! Ughhh! I don’t know what my problem is, but anytime someone gives me a compliment, I get all hot and nervous and I don’t know how to answer, but I try to act nonchalant so they won’t keep complimenting me, and I end up making them feel bad! Let me give you an example:

N: Hey, Cheyenne, did you get your hair cut?

Me: Oh, yeah…

N: When did you get it cut?

Me: Oh… I dunno, like 4 weeks ago.

N: Oh, huh, I didn’t even notice it then.

Me: That’s ok, I wear it in a ponytail a lot.

N: It looks darker, did you color it?

Me: Uh… no. Maybe it looks darker because it’s greasy. If I put my hair up while it’s still wet, it makes it look greasy, even if I take it down later.

!!!!

I know… poor guy…! N, if you are reading this I AM SO SORRY!!!

He’s probably never going to try to say anything nice to me again for fear that I’m going to make him feel like a jerk.

*sigh*

On Sunday morning I headed down to Ohio again to see Anna and her family. She and her husband and her baby live in Florida, but they come up to Ohio once or twice a year to see her parents and sisters.

And me of course too.

We had splendid time! I love her family so much… they are such amazing, God-fearing people and I admire every one of them. I soaked it all in… they have such strong theological convictions. The kind of theological convictions that really matter, that make you think and wonder at the greatness and goodness of God.

And then there’s that 11 mo old baby of theirs! Words really can’t describe the joy he brings to everyone in view of his silly little faces and funny little sounds.

Oh, yeah, and then there’s Anna herself too. She’s pretty cool. I mean if you like the super-mommy, celebrity-blogger, humble, caring, faith-filled, funny friend type.  We had a great time together. I was so thankful to the Lord for making our time feel like it was longer than it really was. I felt so refreshed by her presence.

But I’m missing her now. Her and Sarah, my college “buddies” who supported me through thick and thin, serious and silly. I hate to do this to you guys… getting serious when I started out so silly. But “there’s a time for everything.”

And if you’re a woman, there are many times for everything, every day.

Sorry, again, I joke, but I really do mean to bring this to an abrupt change of mood.

On my way home from Ohio last night I got a phone call from my mom. My heart picked up a little because I had talked to her earlier already. My grandpa is in the hospital, she had told me then. So a call-back made me worry.

“Just so you know, some snow is headed your direction, so please drive carefully.”

Good. Snow I can handle.

15 minutes later, she called me back. They were calling all of the family in to say “good-bye.” Part of me wanted to go too. But I thought back to last week when I saw him for Christmas… my dad wheeled him into the bright parlor in the corner of the nursing home. It’s a yellow room with a couch and some chairs and lots of windows. It was a sunny day. Not at all Christmas-y as far as the weather went. But the sunlight was refreshing and Grandpa’s face lit up when he saw it pouring in. Between the sunshine and having his family there, he seemed happier than I had seen him in a long time. The bone cancer had been wearing him thin — literally too — for more than a year now.

We had him open his gifts and we talked to him and laughed with him a little too. After about 30 minutes, he started to crash. He seemed to have a headache and could hardly stay awake. We wheeled him back to his room and the nurses helped him back into bed. Once he was settled, we went to say our “goodbyes” so that he could rest.

I knew it this time. You don’t want to dramatize things by saying “last this” and “last that.” But my intuition was strong… this was it. I hugged his frail body and kissed him. He was crying and saying he loved me. I squeezed his hand — those big, strong hands — and choked out my last “I love you too.”

There is little time in our culture for dying. Little time for grieving too. We grieve after death, when often the hardest time is watching our loved ones suffering, yet not being able to comfort them in it.

When I got the call, I felt relief, remorse, and grief all at once.

Relief that he was no longer in pain. That he was with our Father.

Remorse that I could not have spent more time with him; that he could not be constantly attended to by his family; that as a culture, grief and rememberance are allowed for the dead, but not the dying. Fear that someday this will be my death too.

Grief because he’s gone… Sure, we will be reunited someday in eternity. But on this earth, I will never have any of my grandparents again. Never get to hold his strong hand while he prays before our meal. Never get to have him over to our house or see him hold our baby in his arms. Never have him tell me about “back then” or show me ancient treasures he’s acquired from the farm.

Last night, I just wanted to be home. To melt into my husbands arms, with the limpness of life I felt. And there he was for me too. Waiting for me. Knowing that’s really all that can soothe the grief of loss.

Grandpa met the Lord around 1:00 this morning. I had prayed last night that God would call him home once the rest of my family said their goodbye’s. And He did.

It’s an interesting way to start the new year. I read Anna’s first post of the year, and she talked about having a “word” that characterizes how you want to grow in the new year, versus setting numerous self-centered resolutions for improvement. After reading one of my devotional books and reflecting on the people in my life that have influence on me and the influence I have on other people, I decided that is my word – “influence.”

Someone can influence my opinion of a situation or a person with their words and their attitude. I can do the same. We don’t realize just how much we influence each other every day. The more time we spend with the person, the more potential for mutual influence. And although I am thankful for the influence of my husband, my family, my church, and my friends, I want my greatest Influence to be Jesus. Which comes from spending more time with Him –  reading the Word, praying, and meditating on His ways.

I also hope to be a positive influence on those around me. To not talk badly about people or belittle their gifts or question their decisions and ways of doing things. To not make them feel like jerks for saying nice things too me!

So that maybe when my “time” comes — and who knows when that could be — I can be at peace, knowing that I wasted none of the potential for influence God surrounded me with and that I also influenced people for Jesus.

My Testimony

Like many Sundays at church, this Sunday I found myself sitting in the pew and reflecting on all that God has done for me. The sermon was about how God is still at work today, transforming people’s lives and performing miracles for which science has no explanation.  Throughout ages, there have been people who believe in God, yet do not see that He is still at work today. They believe in heaven, but have no relationship with the One who made a way for them to go to heaven.

The sermon was not to undermine the power of the Bible, but to compel people to share their stories of how God has transformed their lives here and now, in the 21^st century. To be a living testimony that God still cares and is actively transforming lives.

My testimony – my most significant experience with God – all started when my uncle, a bachelor and an alcoholic, visited my family during Christmas over 10 years ago.  At the time I had started reading the Left Behind books and decided to give him the first book for Christmas. I was anxious about the gift, because I knew my uncle was not a Christian. But an avid reader, he finished the book before his trip was through.  I had no idea that God would use my gift to light a spark in Him that would eventually draw my uncle into a relationship with Jesus.

Fast forward several years… my uncle was sober and facing a life threatening diagnosis: lung cancer.  My parents offered for him to move in with us so that he could be with family and receive the support he needed as he underwent treatment.  It was a difficult time for all of us, but he pulled through it and went into remission. During that time, I saw him grow and understand his faith at an exponential rate. My relationship with him became deeper than that of a mere uncle as well. I liketo call him my grand-brother, because he really was more like a much-older brother to me.

My junior year of college – a short 4 years ago – the cancer came back. Our family spent 5-6 days a week going to and from the hospital (a good 40 minute drive) for his twice-a-day treatments. We were exhausted, and I could only imagine how much more exhausted he was. Friends and extended family brought meals or offered to drive. Our whole church family responded with such compassion, and we were all so moved by such self-less love. God truly used those people as His “hands and feet”, helping and providing for us in our deepest need.

 At the beginning of my second semester that year, it was tormentous to leave home. Although I longed for the distraction that friends and classes would bring, I feared what might happen while I was away. His prognosis was bad. He was not going to pull through. Emotionally exhausted, I found strength  and encouragement from my friends and their prayers and reminders that God was in control. Fairly newly formed friendships, I struggled against burdening them with such heavy loads. But God knew I would need them, and they were more than willing to be there for me.

In February of 2007, my uncle passed away. And although he had no offspring, he still left a legacy. A man once hardened by the despair of war and worldliness, he left this world known for his generosity, tender heart, knowledge of the Bible, and good-humor.

This may sound like it is more of my uncle’s testimony than my own. But my testimony is because of his. During the months following his death, I struggled with deeper grief and greater joy than I have ever experienced in my life. Deep grief, because I missed him and found the permanence of his loss to this world so difficult to bear. Deep joy because I began to really understand what it means to “trust Christ as your Savior.” My uncle trusted Christ to redeem him from his sin and to welcome him into His presence when he died. It is one thing to pray “Lord, I trust you as my Savior,” and quite another to depend on your absolute need to trust him as your Savior in the face of death.

I have not faced death the way my uncle has. But I was there holding his hand when he passed away, and I can tell you that my faith was first shaken and then solidified. Every hymn and worship song came to mean so much more to me.

“Great is Thy faithfulness…” even through trials.

“Every blessing You pour out, I turn back to praise; When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say ‘Blessed be Your name’…”

“Mercy there was great and grace was free; Pardon there was multiplied to me; There my burdened soul found liberty – at Calvary!”

“Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; He to rescue me from danger, interposed his prescious blood.”

And the song that to me captures every important point of the gospel and moves me to tears of gratefulness to my God for the hope and life and strength I have in Him:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
’til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

From what I can tell, most of the people reading this are probably Christians as well. So what about you? What is God doing in your life or what has He done that has challenged you to trust Him more or caused you to better understand His deep love for you?

Wherever we are in our faith, I pray we will all continually come to a deeper understanding of what it really means to trust in Christ as our Savior.