An Amish-ish Summer

It’s 67 degrees in our house right now, and I’m snuggling cozily on the couch with the laptop, happy to have a reprieve from the smothering 90 degree days we had earlier this week. We’ve held off using our AC for when we decided we really needed it, and have done pretty well until this past Sunday.

That’s when we discovered that our AC didn’t work anyway.

What??! Yes, friends, no AC for me.

Tyler grew up without air conditioning, so he is accustomed to the heat inside. I, on the other hand, did grow up with it, and have a delicate internal thermostat that reads anything below or above 71 degrees F as either freezing or sweltering.

But I’m not complaining. Remember when we were looking at houses and we found this beautiful house? The one without a dishwasher?

Well, guess what? We live in that house and although it’s a pain at times, it’s really not much more of a pain than doing dishes already was with a dishwasher. I can live without.

And now that we have two living rooms, one upstairs and one downstairs, we no longer have a TV in our bedroom. That TV used to put me to sleep instantly, and I dreaded having to sleep without it. But I’ve learned to fall asleep on my own now.

Cuz I’m a big gurl, I am.

(Name that movie!)

Then there’s the cable television, that we’ve lived without for the past 3 years. And now, because of our slow internet connectivity, we also can’t stream TV either, which means much less TV than we used to watch.

All comforts that I once said, “Oh, I couldn’t live without ______,”

and now have found freedom in living without them.

Thank God for a funny and interesting husband who I love talking to. And for books from the library to read and the lulling sounds of creation outside my window at night.

Thank God for a big double-sink in the kitchen and for beautiful sunlight that pours in through the sliding glass door.

Thank God for music that attunes my heart to His Word while I work.

Thank God my neighbors are far enough away I can sing my heart out without bothering them too much.

And now, thank God for a cool basement that, so far, has stayed very comfortable even while our upstairs has been up to 88 degrees.

Thank God for Tyler’s parents who recently gave us two twin-sized beds that we were able to haul down there to sleep on during those especially hot nights.

God knows our needs and provides accordingly. It’s not that He doesn’t also provide special comforts for us, but sometimes He provides greater gifts when we live without certain comforts and adapt to Him instead. I’m not sure what greater-richer-better thing He can do about living without air conditioning, and I’m not entirely sure we won’t break down and pay to get it fixed. But I am learning to be grateful “living without” because it makes me realize how much I live with.

Someday, we’ll look back on this summer and say something like, “Remember when we went without air conditioning how much fun we had hosing our cars off every afternoon, just to stay cool?”

We live on a dirt road. God knows our cars could use it.

And so we take another step in the direction of becoming Amish.

Except I’m allergic to horses and couldn’t sew to save my life. And Tyler definitely couldn’t live without a vaccuum to take care of all the hair I shed.

So maybe more like Amish-ish. Our Amish-ish summer.

Also to be known as the Summer-of-wildly-wavy-hair-and-face-shine.

Speaking of which, I while taking the groceries out to the car this afternoon I got caught in an downpour and my hair’s a lee-tle out of control. Better go spruce up before Tyler’s birthday bash with his family (and more to come on Tyler’s birthday later!).

Ideals and Idols

I am happy to report that I have recovered from last weeks catastrophe in the kitchen and have experienced no aftershocks since then. However, since stirring up the mess, God has been stirring my heart, convicting with lessons I thought I had already learned.

At church on Sunday, we watched a short video before communion called, “What do you worship”? We all feel feel the call to worship. But which call are we responding to? The call to worship money, success, leisure, style? The call to worship our family or our jobs or even our churches? God is calling us to worship daily, moment by moment even. He calls us in the whispered tones of a beautiful sunset, the random act of kindness from a stranger, the tender smiles from our loved ones. But other voices vie for our attention too, and all to often they win.

These competetors are our idols. What God stirred in my heart was that my ideals are my idols. My perfect patterns for how I want my life to go, what I want my life to look and feel like — those are what I think about at night as I’m trying to drift off to sleep, and in the morning when I am planning my day. They are what I compare my actual life to, and what make me feel either content or discontent. Sure, I have learned a lot about my idealistic ways. I have learned to be more flexible and realistic and to adapt new ideals as needed.

But continuing to adapt my ideals still elevates them to a place above God. Their fulfillment feels empowering to me, or at least feels satisfying in thinking that God has conformed to my plans. Their failure or need for adaptation feels disappointing, and I grasp for new ways to make my plans and my achievement compatible.

I once again wander from a place of steadfast worship of my God. The God who directs my paths, and faithfully takes care of all of my needs. Ironic, isn’t it that the psalmist repented, “Renew a steadfast spirit in me.” A truly steadfast heart needs no renewal. Thank God that His steadfast love endures forever, despite my wandering ways.

Again, I reflect on my favorite hymn “Come Thou Fount”:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Late

Late? Who, me?

You must not know me very well.

Because I always arrive promptly at the time I am expected.

Ok, ok, you got me. I am often expected to be “late.” Not that it runs in my blood or my gender or anything. Because I can think of several family members (*cough* annoying family members) and females (*cough* obnoxious females) who prefer to arrive 17 minutes early to everything. Although the stigma does tend to run towards the late-side for both groups of people.

Just sayin’.

Anyway… my deepest apologies for being late at concluding my December blogging break. I had a very happy hiatus and although part of me wants to continue my break, another part of me has already penned a dozen blog posts in my head.

Well, not actually penned per se.

But here I am… blogging… with nothing substantial written as of yet.

*clearing throat*

So… let me give you a little (ha!) update of my life so that we can move onto more interesting topics in future days:

Christmas was great… we spent lots of time with family. I found myself reflecting a lot on the “Good News” of Christ’s arrival and how significant that had to be for the first to hear this message. We did receive our own good news about the house, although not as much news as we were hoping for: the bank is done with the Broker’s Price Opinion (like an appraisal) and they are working on assigning the short sale a negotiator.

Cue cheesy Priceline jingle.

We were extremely spoiled by our families. Tyler got a bunch of tools and house knick-knacks and I got a new winter coat, some clothes, jewelry, paints/canvases, etc. He got me a giftcard to get a pedicure from a really nice salon/spa around here — so excited to use it! And with our Christmas money (I know, I told you — spoiled!) we bought a steamer so that I will Never, EVER, EVERRR have to iron again.

Not that I was planning on it anyway.

But now we don’t have to go around looking like Shar Pei dogs with opposable thumbs.

Because, really, our thumbs are the only way you could distinguish us from those dogs.

I really make myself out to sound like a horrible housekeeper.

Which I am sometimes.

But sometimes I wonder if people can read the sarcasm and exaggeration in my writing.

If not, it’s not like they would recognize me if they saw me out on the street anyway, because they would be looking for a hairy 6 foot 4 female Shar Pei with opposable thumbs.

I digress…

So… New Year’s was good. We spent some time with our friends who for reasons that can be found later in this post will be referred to only as N and J. I tried some of J’s coffee-beer and it reinforced my belief that God gave me the palate of a 6 year old.

Maybe not even a 6 year old. Maybe more like a 6 month old. Give me milk and cereal, and I am set for life.

Which reminds me (not the coffee-beer, but the spending time with N and J) — I am a horrible compliment receiver!!! Ughhh! I don’t know what my problem is, but anytime someone gives me a compliment, I get all hot and nervous and I don’t know how to answer, but I try to act nonchalant so they won’t keep complimenting me, and I end up making them feel bad! Let me give you an example:

N: Hey, Cheyenne, did you get your hair cut?

Me: Oh, yeah…

N: When did you get it cut?

Me: Oh… I dunno, like 4 weeks ago.

N: Oh, huh, I didn’t even notice it then.

Me: That’s ok, I wear it in a ponytail a lot.

N: It looks darker, did you color it?

Me: Uh… no. Maybe it looks darker because it’s greasy. If I put my hair up while it’s still wet, it makes it look greasy, even if I take it down later.

!!!!

I know… poor guy…! N, if you are reading this I AM SO SORRY!!!

He’s probably never going to try to say anything nice to me again for fear that I’m going to make him feel like a jerk.

*sigh*

On Sunday morning I headed down to Ohio again to see Anna and her family. She and her husband and her baby live in Florida, but they come up to Ohio once or twice a year to see her parents and sisters.

And me of course too.

We had splendid time! I love her family so much… they are such amazing, God-fearing people and I admire every one of them. I soaked it all in… they have such strong theological convictions. The kind of theological convictions that really matter, that make you think and wonder at the greatness and goodness of God.

And then there’s that 11 mo old baby of theirs! Words really can’t describe the joy he brings to everyone in view of his silly little faces and funny little sounds.

Oh, yeah, and then there’s Anna herself too. She’s pretty cool. I mean if you like the super-mommy, celebrity-blogger, humble, caring, faith-filled, funny friend type.  We had a great time together. I was so thankful to the Lord for making our time feel like it was longer than it really was. I felt so refreshed by her presence.

But I’m missing her now. Her and Sarah, my college “buddies” who supported me through thick and thin, serious and silly. I hate to do this to you guys… getting serious when I started out so silly. But “there’s a time for everything.”

And if you’re a woman, there are many times for everything, every day.

Sorry, again, I joke, but I really do mean to bring this to an abrupt change of mood.

On my way home from Ohio last night I got a phone call from my mom. My heart picked up a little because I had talked to her earlier already. My grandpa is in the hospital, she had told me then. So a call-back made me worry.

“Just so you know, some snow is headed your direction, so please drive carefully.”

Good. Snow I can handle.

15 minutes later, she called me back. They were calling all of the family in to say “good-bye.” Part of me wanted to go too. But I thought back to last week when I saw him for Christmas… my dad wheeled him into the bright parlor in the corner of the nursing home. It’s a yellow room with a couch and some chairs and lots of windows. It was a sunny day. Not at all Christmas-y as far as the weather went. But the sunlight was refreshing and Grandpa’s face lit up when he saw it pouring in. Between the sunshine and having his family there, he seemed happier than I had seen him in a long time. The bone cancer had been wearing him thin — literally too — for more than a year now.

We had him open his gifts and we talked to him and laughed with him a little too. After about 30 minutes, he started to crash. He seemed to have a headache and could hardly stay awake. We wheeled him back to his room and the nurses helped him back into bed. Once he was settled, we went to say our “goodbyes” so that he could rest.

I knew it this time. You don’t want to dramatize things by saying “last this” and “last that.” But my intuition was strong… this was it. I hugged his frail body and kissed him. He was crying and saying he loved me. I squeezed his hand — those big, strong hands — and choked out my last “I love you too.”

There is little time in our culture for dying. Little time for grieving too. We grieve after death, when often the hardest time is watching our loved ones suffering, yet not being able to comfort them in it.

When I got the call, I felt relief, remorse, and grief all at once.

Relief that he was no longer in pain. That he was with our Father.

Remorse that I could not have spent more time with him; that he could not be constantly attended to by his family; that as a culture, grief and rememberance are allowed for the dead, but not the dying. Fear that someday this will be my death too.

Grief because he’s gone… Sure, we will be reunited someday in eternity. But on this earth, I will never have any of my grandparents again. Never get to hold his strong hand while he prays before our meal. Never get to have him over to our house or see him hold our baby in his arms. Never have him tell me about “back then” or show me ancient treasures he’s acquired from the farm.

Last night, I just wanted to be home. To melt into my husbands arms, with the limpness of life I felt. And there he was for me too. Waiting for me. Knowing that’s really all that can soothe the grief of loss.

Grandpa met the Lord around 1:00 this morning. I had prayed last night that God would call him home once the rest of my family said their goodbye’s. And He did.

It’s an interesting way to start the new year. I read Anna’s first post of the year, and she talked about having a “word” that characterizes how you want to grow in the new year, versus setting numerous self-centered resolutions for improvement. After reading one of my devotional books and reflecting on the people in my life that have influence on me and the influence I have on other people, I decided that is my word – “influence.”

Someone can influence my opinion of a situation or a person with their words and their attitude. I can do the same. We don’t realize just how much we influence each other every day. The more time we spend with the person, the more potential for mutual influence. And although I am thankful for the influence of my husband, my family, my church, and my friends, I want my greatest Influence to be Jesus. Which comes from spending more time with Him –  reading the Word, praying, and meditating on His ways.

I also hope to be a positive influence on those around me. To not talk badly about people or belittle their gifts or question their decisions and ways of doing things. To not make them feel like jerks for saying nice things too me!

So that maybe when my “time” comes — and who knows when that could be — I can be at peace, knowing that I wasted none of the potential for influence God surrounded me with and that I also influenced people for Jesus.

Good News

Our families have been asking us, “What do you want for Christmas?” And as I have spent inordinate amounts of time trying to find deals on other people’s gifts, I have gradually come up with a few things to go on my own list. But when I really think about what I really, really want, these two words come to me…

Good News.

I want good news for Christmas. In particular, good news about the house. It doesn’t have to be that we get the house by Christmas, but I would love to get good news. Good news that it is going go happen and the process is moving forward. That’s all I really want.

Think about it… what is the greatest thing you could receive right now? Is it good news about a loved one who has been ill? Good news about a family member trusting Christ as their Savior? Good news about a test result? Good news about a long-distance friend coming to town or another friend’s engagement? Good news about a job opportunity or a financial gain?

Given a choice between a new sweater and good news… the decision is obvious.

We want good news. Like a child - eyes wide, gazing intently upon a beautifully wrapped gift - our hearts eagerly anticipate the revelation of just what “good news” we are about to hear. The very words quicken our hearts and shorten our breath. There’s no easier way to torment a person than to pronounce “good news” and then pause before relaying the contents of your message.

Good News.

Imagine hearing the Gospel for the first time…

The very first time.

The Good News given to Mary and to Joseph. To Elizabeth and Zechariah. To the shepherds, strangers to Mary and Joseph, yet given an exclusive invitation to the birth of their Savior.

All members of a nation, a people waiting…

Waiting for their Messiah. 

And receiving the Good News for which generations upon generations of their people had waited. Good News that changed their world.

Good News that changes our world.

Delivers us…

through despair, emptiness, loneliness, grief, fear, death.

Delivers us from a world of darkness and into God’s marvelous light.

Not just someone else’s good news for which we can be happy. This Good News is for us as much as it was for Mary and Joseph and the shepherds.

It may not seem as staggering to us as it must have been to them. The concept of waiting for a Savior is foreign to us. Christ has come; He has already paid the price for our sin and redeemed us as children of God.

Is it old news? Diluted by generations and translations of copies, of copies of manuscripts pronouncing this Good News?

May it never be. It doesn’t matter how the gift of this Good News is delivered, what matters is the Gift.

And that Gift is Jesus. The Gift of Peace and Hope. The Gift of Life.

What good news are you waiting for right now? I pray that you too would hear good news this Christmas. But most of all, that you would come to a deeper appreciation of the Good News that has already been delivered to you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am taking the month of December off from blogging. I love blogging, but I feel I need to take a break from the computer for a bit. And while Christmas is a particularly nostalgic time for me that inspires more than a couple potential posts, I think it is also a perfect time to reprioritize some things in my life.

And hopefully when January comes, I will be able to greet you, renewed and refreshed. And hopefully bearing good news!

Have a wonderful Christmas as you celebrate our Savior.

“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord. “

Luke 2:10-11

Dayenu Thanksgiving

Back in April I wrote a post about a segment from a book I was reading at the time called The Year of Living Like Jesus by Ed Dobson. Today, with it being Thanksgiving, I wanted to revisit this concept of Dayenu.

Dayenu is one of the traditional Jewish Passover prayers. It describes the great acts that God did in freeing Israel from their Egyptian captivity, and at the end of each verse exclaims Dayenu (p. 97), which means, “That alone would have been enough; for that alone are we grateful.” It conveys thankfulness, contentment, and faith… knowing that God is good and what He has already provided is more than enough for us.

What a beautiful and all-encompassing word that expresses true thankfulness. So often we focus on asking things of God, but showing little thought and gratitude for what He has already done for us. We say, “Thank you for this food, and please give me _____.” God wants us to make requests known to Him and he delights in fulfilling them. But He is so loving, so gracious, and so generous that he is worthy of far more than just our requests. We could never truly express the abundant and authentic gratitude worthy for him. But I think Dayenu is the closest we can come, even in its simplicity.   

You sacrificed Your life to redeem me from the death I deserved because of my sin.

Dayenu.

You chose to adopt me into Your family, in spite of my unworthiness.

 Dayenu.

You have given me a wonderful, loving family that has nurtured me and helped anchor me as I have grown and matured.

Dayenu.

You have provided me with health and home.

Dayenu.

You have given me friends who have encouraged me and laughed with me and loved me and challenged me to love You more.

Dayenu.

You have shown me deeper love than I could have imagined through Tyler — which is still only a fraction of the love You have for me.

 Dayenu.

You answered our prayers by providing Tyler with a teaching job earlier this year.

Dayenu.

You have been my comfort in times of grief, my strength in times of desperation, my contentment in times of waiting, my love in times of loneliness, my joy in times of disappointment, and my companion in times of celebration.

Dayenu.

Dayenu is a concept that infuses so much richness to life. It is not just about what we are thankful for, but really learning how to be thankful for those things. It is meaningful on such a day as today and at Passover… but would truly change our lives if we lived it out daily.

All of these blessings alone were enough, Lord, and for these alone am I truly grateful.  Dayenu.

Success

Do you ever find yourself talking to someone you just met and slowly feeling sheepish as you’re answering their questions about what you went to school for, when you graduated, how you came to work the job you’re working now? Maybe it’s just me, but the fact that I’m doing a job that I didn’t have to go to school for and not doing a job that I did go to school for seems to bother people. It makes me feel like it should bother me. That maybe I am settling for safe.

But after so many months of trying for jobs that I was semi-interested in and volunteering for the organization I was absolutely interested in, God brought me here, to this place. Do you think I wanted to poke people with needles all day?

Um, no. That idea could not have been farther from my mind.

But it was in God’s plan. And ya know what? Ends up I really love it.

When I am talking to people I always feel compelled to follow that statement with, “Not that it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it’s working out for now.” As if I need to defend myself for doing the very thing God has for me to do right now. As if it’s not as important as whatever He has for me 10 years down the road.

Well, ya know what? Whatever you are doing now is as important as anything you will ever do. Maybe it’s not as big and flashy or as world-changing as something you may do later in life. But to assume that your now is nothing special to God is devaluing His purposes for your life. We must humble ourselves and obey him at every step of our journey, even if some steps feel trivial and mundane. Look up and see the opportunities with which He has gifted you, and realize that the people you are surrounded by now are no less important than the people you will be surrounded by at the “height” of your career.

Maybe this exact scenario isn’t familiar to you, but I’m sure at some point in your life you’ve had the experience of feeling of less than successful. And I am here to tell you to look around you and realize that you are valuable to God, just as you are, right where you are. Next week He may call you to some new endeavor, but instead of focusing on the future, immerse yourself in the present.

Man, I hadn’t planned on getting so serious here. That was cathartic.

*Deep Sigh*

In fact, my original intention was to tell you about all the different ways I tell myself I am successful throughout the week. To get the ball rolling for you to think of the little ways in which you are successful too. So… please take the first half of this post seriously and this last half of this post as seriously as you deem seriously prudent.

But seriously, being the competetive person that I am (and try to pretend I am not), these “little successes” really do make me feel good about myself. And so they should for you as well!

* Finding matches for all of your socks after pulling them out of the dryer (I finally realized why I had been struggling at this so much… I found 11 socks behind the dryer a few months ago. Silly socks).

* Finishing all of the lettuce before it goes bad.

* Beating Tyler at anything. So far, this has yet to occur, and when it does, this will most definitely be established as an annual holiday in our house. I almost had him in bowling once, but the boy just had to throw an amazing 10th frame and beat my high score of 148.

*  Hauling all of the groceries in to the apartment in ONE single trip. And not dropping anything or having a bag split on me. Bonus points if I can get the mail on my way up too.

*  Fitting everything I need into one suitcase. This is sometimes just not possible. But if I make Tyler take his own bag and I stuff my pillowcase with what doesn’t fit in my bag, it’s definitely doable.

* Making it through the day without getting the hiccups. It tends to make donors nervous when I am conculsing while I have a needle in my hands.

*  Making it through the morning without changing my outfit. This is easy on work days when I can wear scrubs. But Sunday mornings are another story. If there comes a day when I no longer have a uniform to wear to work, I will have to add another 15 minutes on my morning routine, just to allow for potential outfit changes.

* Remembering my username and password for ebay, amazon, and every other non-email account I have registered for online.

* Making it through the day without misplacing something. Like the sandwich bread in the plastic wrap cupboard or the keys in the refridgerator.

* Making it all the way through a movie that was started after 9:00 pm without falling asleep. Usually I wakeup just as the closing music and credits start. I’ve tried faking it, “Mmm, that was a good movie.” But Tyler knows better. He can tell as soon as my breathing changes that I’ve fallen asleep. Pay attention to the movie and let me sleep, already!

* Seeing that my receipt says that my savings was more than what I spent! Cha-ching!

* Putting my gray hoodie sweatshirt on normally instead of backwards. I don’t know why I always do this. When I first got it as a sophomore in high school, I thought it was so cool. I had just made it onto the (home school) varsity volleyball team and was at that first practice. It was cold in the gym, so I decided to put my sweatshirt on while we warmed up. Except when I put it on, I couldn’t see or breathe because my face was in the hood. Smooth, Cheyenne, really smooth.

Anyway, all of this was to say, that you are more successful than you think you are. Unless of course you really never can find a match for all the socks from the dryer. In which case, you might as well just give up on ever succeeding in life.

Kidding, of course.

Tust in the Lord with all your heart

And lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him

And He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Priceless

Well, now that we have selected a house and are in the process of purchasing it, I think it’s high time we do some shopping, don’t you?

First things first: getting a dishwasher into that kitchen. Becuase seriously, who can survive without a dishwasher?

Ok, ok… who can contentedly survive without a dishwasher? Tyler thought that rubber gloves would do. And although these are cute:

(from etsy) I just don’t think they will hold up against the messes for long.

Or maybe it’s just that I don’t think I will hold up against the messes for long.

So here’s the plan, Stan: we remove some cabinets to install a REAL dishwasher. Estimated cost: $1000.

But then we will have reduced our kitchen cabinetry space by 20%… so we get an island which not only adds cabinet space, but counter space too! Tyler said he’d like to try building it. Which is fine with me if he can do it. I think some version of this (sans sink) would be nice:

I don’t know if that’s possible, and I’m sure that this particular island is granite. So maybe we could just use laminate or something. Estimated cost: $500 (maybe cheaper if we can reuse the cabinets we would knock out for the dishwasher).

But then I was thinking about it and a dishwasher is usually only 24 inches, which means that’s about how much cabinetry we would be making into an island… which makes for a pretty dinky little island. Like Mackinak Island compared to Austrailia.

Ok, maybe not quite. Sorry, I do have a tendency to exaggerate.

You get the picture though, right? And if you’ve never heard of Mackinak… yeah, it’s that little.

But then there’s the problem of not having space in the kitchen for a table and an island, even if we manage to build an island like the one in the previous picture. I mean, I love the breakfast bar, but it’s just not practical for having family dinners. At the most you could fit 3 and they had better be positioned correctly if there are any lefties, because there would be no bumping elbows at this bar. You’d just be tightly wedged next to each other and forced to lean over and eat like a dog.

Not happenin in my kitchen. So should we go with this plan, Lefties, BEWARE! 

Or….

  We could get a breakfast nook! I LOVE breakfast nooks! What do you think of this one?

Don’t they look so inviting? I think I would want to buy/make (????!!!) some padding for the seats so that it would be more comfortable for everyone. (The question marks and exclamation points elude to the fact that I am a TERRIBLE seamstress and would probably need some hands-on mentorship for any kind of project that I had any sort of standard for. I can cut up an old shirt and make one mean rag… but give me a needle and all I know is poking people). Estimated cost of breakfst nook: $1000 (for a good one).

But then, we could go in another direction that might actually be more practical and affordable. I found this online yesterday:

Nice, right? Love the cupboards, the size, the spacious overhang on 3/4 sides, and the raised tiled top that could definitely be used as counter space for food prep! The island itself costs $750, with the bar stools, $1135. But I feel like we could find barstools for cheaper somewhere and paint them black. If we did this, we would still really only have space for 4. But I think that would be okay for a while. It’s bad, but we don’t actually eat at the table much anyway.

So… Dishwasher/Island/Nook = $2500.

Dishwasher/Island = $1750. 

What’s that you say???

You say I am getting ahead of myself again??? Me? The Planner-who-planned-on-being-in-a-house-by-Thanksgiving-and-is-right-so-far? The Planner-who-has-a-timeline-for-the-next-fifteen-years?

Oh… I see your point.

But let me just say this: in all of my crazy planning and scheming, I understand that more than anything, I am thankful for NOW. God is so good to us, and as long as we are in the center of His will, “now” is better than any of my proposed “then’s.” Even if “now” becomes more months in this apartment because the house inspection falls through. Sure, sometimes “now” is more easy to appreciate when life is going well. But being here in “now” with Tyler, and looking together towards the Lord for guidance and provision… that is priceless.

My Testimony

Like many Sundays at church, this Sunday I found myself sitting in the pew and reflecting on all that God has done for me. The sermon was about how God is still at work today, transforming people’s lives and performing miracles for which science has no explanation.  Throughout ages, there have been people who believe in God, yet do not see that He is still at work today. They believe in heaven, but have no relationship with the One who made a way for them to go to heaven.

The sermon was not to undermine the power of the Bible, but to compel people to share their stories of how God has transformed their lives here and now, in the 21^st century. To be a living testimony that God still cares and is actively transforming lives.

My testimony – my most significant experience with God – all started when my uncle, a bachelor and an alcoholic, visited my family during Christmas over 10 years ago.  At the time I had started reading the Left Behind books and decided to give him the first book for Christmas. I was anxious about the gift, because I knew my uncle was not a Christian. But an avid reader, he finished the book before his trip was through.  I had no idea that God would use my gift to light a spark in Him that would eventually draw my uncle into a relationship with Jesus.

Fast forward several years… my uncle was sober and facing a life threatening diagnosis: lung cancer.  My parents offered for him to move in with us so that he could be with family and receive the support he needed as he underwent treatment.  It was a difficult time for all of us, but he pulled through it and went into remission. During that time, I saw him grow and understand his faith at an exponential rate. My relationship with him became deeper than that of a mere uncle as well. I liketo call him my grand-brother, because he really was more like a much-older brother to me.

My junior year of college – a short 4 years ago – the cancer came back. Our family spent 5-6 days a week going to and from the hospital (a good 40 minute drive) for his twice-a-day treatments. We were exhausted, and I could only imagine how much more exhausted he was. Friends and extended family brought meals or offered to drive. Our whole church family responded with such compassion, and we were all so moved by such self-less love. God truly used those people as His “hands and feet”, helping and providing for us in our deepest need.

 At the beginning of my second semester that year, it was tormentous to leave home. Although I longed for the distraction that friends and classes would bring, I feared what might happen while I was away. His prognosis was bad. He was not going to pull through. Emotionally exhausted, I found strength  and encouragement from my friends and their prayers and reminders that God was in control. Fairly newly formed friendships, I struggled against burdening them with such heavy loads. But God knew I would need them, and they were more than willing to be there for me.

In February of 2007, my uncle passed away. And although he had no offspring, he still left a legacy. A man once hardened by the despair of war and worldliness, he left this world known for his generosity, tender heart, knowledge of the Bible, and good-humor.

This may sound like it is more of my uncle’s testimony than my own. But my testimony is because of his. During the months following his death, I struggled with deeper grief and greater joy than I have ever experienced in my life. Deep grief, because I missed him and found the permanence of his loss to this world so difficult to bear. Deep joy because I began to really understand what it means to “trust Christ as your Savior.” My uncle trusted Christ to redeem him from his sin and to welcome him into His presence when he died. It is one thing to pray “Lord, I trust you as my Savior,” and quite another to depend on your absolute need to trust him as your Savior in the face of death.

I have not faced death the way my uncle has. But I was there holding his hand when he passed away, and I can tell you that my faith was first shaken and then solidified. Every hymn and worship song came to mean so much more to me.

“Great is Thy faithfulness…” even through trials.

“Every blessing You pour out, I turn back to praise; When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say ‘Blessed be Your name’…”

“Mercy there was great and grace was free; Pardon there was multiplied to me; There my burdened soul found liberty – at Calvary!”

“Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; He to rescue me from danger, interposed his prescious blood.”

And the song that to me captures every important point of the gospel and moves me to tears of gratefulness to my God for the hope and life and strength I have in Him:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
’til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

From what I can tell, most of the people reading this are probably Christians as well. So what about you? What is God doing in your life or what has He done that has challenged you to trust Him more or caused you to better understand His deep love for you?

Wherever we are in our faith, I pray we will all continually come to a deeper understanding of what it really means to trust in Christ as our Savior.

Wish Upon A Star

Tonight is going to be a great night for wishing.

Santa only gives you 3 wishes. Same for the magic genie, and he’s even harder to get ahold of. Tonight will trump Santa big-time.

Tonight is the Perseid meteor shower (<—Click here to read more). I have never seen any of the other meteor showers that occur throughout the year, but I’ve seen the Leonids several times, and it is spectacular when you get a good dark sky and have a little caffeine to keep you awake. The peak hours are from midnight to just before dawn. But if you don’t mind laying around outside in the dark for a while, you will definitely see some before midnight too. Just be prepared to bundle up, it tends to get cold and wet.  

One year, my brother and I decided to sleep outside during the meteor shower. We grabbed our sleeping bags and slept on reclining pool chairs. Several times I woke up from the cold and just stared into the sky for a couple minutes. During those early morning hours, I was amazed by the huge fireballs that grazed through the sky, forming long streaks that lasted up to 5 seconds — which is pretty long for a “shooting star”! 

And no, I was not dreaming, I promise. Thanks a lot.

Honestly, folks, it’s amazing. And tonight is supposed to be optimal for meteor viewing.

When I consider Your heavens,

The work of your hands,

What is man that You are mindful of him?

The son of man that You care for him?

Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth!

Psalm 8:3-4,9

You will never read this passage the same. The splendor with which our Creator has clothed His creation is beyond breathtaking.  No man-made beauty can compare to His natural wonders. Our God loves to delight us with His art. As if creating us and loving us and forgiving us wasn’t enough, He also longs to give us joy and fill us with wonder.